The Rat Tail

Oh, ubiquitous rat tail. Thou most indispensable coif of the redneck knave. What hast thou wrought? For has it not been written in the chronicles of the ages that thou and a full head of hair couldst coexist peacefully? Why, then, hast thou caused this man to shave only the middle portion of his tresses, leaving a luxurious thatch atop his noggin, a bare midskull, and a lustrous rat tail cascading gently onto his collar? Verily, this is madness! Loose him at once, that he may restore himself to decency once more.

Weed and Dogs: Riding the Bus California Style

The bus late at night isn’t usually a cheery prospect. But with Luke working late, I often stay at school to work or ride the bus home with him.

Tonight was a special night. The bus was standing room only, and by this I mean that you get to second base with everyone in your vicinity in 10 seconds flat. But that’s nothing new. What was unusual was that this gangsta managed to apparently intimidate the driver into allowing his grown dog, which appeared to be part pit bull, on the bus. But lest he appear TOO snuggly for having only a menacing dog in his company, he also brought his grass. Hence, the joint hanging out of his trap. The gangsta’s, not the dog’s.

All I have to say is, firstly, I’ve got a real good case against metro if that dog bites, and secondly, if I get fleas back in my apartment as a result of that animal, I am going postal.

Posture

We teach little girls to sit like ladies, not to flash
people when they have on dresses, and to generally comport
themselves with a modicum of dignity and grace. This is all
excellent. But… Why forget the boys?

A Bee in her Bonnet

I thought bonnets were firmly out of style, but this lady is trying hard to bring them back in by going beyond yester-century’s straw or muslin composition into the new flower style. However, judging by her pained expression, she either knows it’s not a sartorial success, or there is a bee in her bonnet.

No means no

Gents, beware the passive and disaffected woman. Especially when her body language is telling you she’d rather be in Siberia in the wintertime without a coat and pursued by the KGB, so long as you aren’t there. Those subtle signs of boredom and dispassion- they don’t mean she is delicate, modest, and shy. They especially don’t mean, as Mr. Collins believed, that you should try again in a more ardent manner. They mean you aren’t getting a second date and should also end the first one immediately.

The Perfect Gift

As we head into the Christmas season, many of us are starting to ponder what gift to give those special loved ones in our lives.

Guys can be hard to buy for. Once the flashlights, pocket knives, and X-boxes are exhausted, you have to start getting creative… Or hope desperately for hints. There are some gifts everyone tends to steer clear of. One is the giant cured Walmart pepperoni/salami which is only on sale at Christmas. Aside from the obvious connotation problems, who wants to say to their man, “Here, darling honey bunch. I love you so much that I got you a mass produced salami.” Though it isn’t the gift, but the thought, that counts, nobody wants theirs to be the gift that the recipient says, “Oh…” when opening, and then hastily tries to say how much they love it. Awkward.

Another gift typically (and properly) given a wide berth is the ubiquitous “personal grooming kit.” Now, I’m hitched to a delightful Southern boy who would probably collapse in laughter if I presented him with a nose hair trimmer or whisker plucker. But nevertheless, some guys should take a leaf (make it just a stem. We don’t wanna overdo it) from the Ryan Seacrest book and do a bit more in the way of grooming. For those guys, a personal maintenance kit would not only be useful, but appreciated.

As an example, check out today’s CREEPpl- he would be astonished to find that he even still has lips. Mustache trimmer for the on-the-go commuter? The perfect gift.

Wait… What?

I boarded the bus to find a rather interesting CREEPpl. I’ve been in LA so long now that I have begun to lose some of my ability to spot bizarre things. Bizarreness is getting to be commonplace around this town. However, from time to time, things still catch my eye, and this was one of them.

Initially, I assumed it may be a religious covering and of course I would never poke fun at someone else’s convictions. However, I quickly realized that a) her head was uncovered, so it was unlikely that this was for modesty, b) it had ear holes, and c) it was orange and embroidered.

I considered the possibility of a medical apparatus (like for flu prevention or something), but it is cloth… And orange… And embroidered… And covers not only the mouth and nose but the neck also, and even part of the eyes…

I have no idea, ultimately, what she is wearing on her face. Thoughts?

A Big Lunchbox

He has one. Pun intended.

Swingin’ Safari

This guy was totally kitted out for a safari quest, but evidently got really confused about what continent he was on. Either that, or he is trying to be a trendsetter for “Safari Chic.” If the latter, he is to be commended for the consistency of his look. Sightseeing-ready green Range Rover, khaki suit (and socks!), utility belt… Yes indeed, we’ve either got a serious fashionista on our hands, or a cold-blooded elephant poacher.

Photo and sighting creds go to Luke Odom.

Carpe Gluteus Maximus

Credits for this gem of a CREEPpl spotting go to Luke Odom, my awesome husband.  We have this running joke about these couples we see in L.A. They grope incessantly. It’s like, “Oh, the light of day! Grope!” “Look, a squirrel! Let’s grope!” “Oooo, an ESCALATOR, let’s grope!” It is as annoying as it is pervasive. We’ve seen couples in various degrees of…public engagedness. But I think this pair takes the cake.